Damon Evans Resigns as Georgia AD after DUI, Mistress

As written for susanshan.com and 27pitches.com.

If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s drunk drivers. If there are two things I can’t stand, they’re drunk drivers and adulterers.

Luckily for me, both infractions came packaged in a nice little police report from Georgia by one M. Cabe. Who is this M. Cabe, you ask? M. Cabe is the arresting officer in the Damon Evans and Courtney Nay Fuhrmann DUI incident.

Evans, the 40-year-old former University of Georgia athletic director, resigned on Sunday after embarrassing himself and his school on Wednesday, June 30th.

Last Wednesday, Evans was driving from a martini bar in his black BMW 750i when he was stopped by an officer for suspicious road maneuvers. Accompanying Evans was 28-year-old Courtney Nay Fuhrmann, in the passenger seat, and her red panties, between his legs.

Did I mention that Evans is married with two kids?

Facing this compromising situation, Evans employed typical tactics for a public figure who’s being arrested; he began name dropping.

“I am not trying to bribe you, but I am the athletic director of the University of Georgia.”  And then he proceeded to say, “I don’t want to use who I am, but I would just ask that you take me to a motel.”

Why stop there? “I am not trying to bribe you, but is there anything you can do without arresting me?”

Seeing as how name dropping didn’t hypnotize the police officer, Evans went for justification and pity: “We go through life and we all drink and jump in a car.” Actually, that’s false. The majority of people do not join the likes of Billy Gillispie, Rod Strickland, and now Damon Evans in drinking and driving.

But wait. Evans then changed his mind and informed the good officer, “I will agree with you by saying this – drinking and driving is never good.” The alcohol made him a little slow on the uptake so it took him a while to figure it out.

A persistent man, at least, Evans continued to assault M. Cabe in the cop car ride. Cabe wrote in his report, “Mr. Evans asked me if there was anything that he could do to get a warning, and I told him I don’t issue warnings for DUI.” Nicely done, officer.

While the arresting officer wasn’t starstruck and goo-goo eyed, we can’t say the same for Ms. Fuhrmann. According to the police report, the mistress stated, “I promise you one thing – he will get off . . . It will be erased because he is the athletic director of UGA and he has that power.”

Moron.

Perhaps her words would have some truth to it if weren’t for this thing called public image. Public image is very important to people who represent educational institutions. No amount of power can wipe away black marks on one’s public image in this country.  Not even for the president.

School President Michael Adams said, “This is not an example of the kind of leadership that I expect our senior administrators to set.” Thus, the reason for Evans’s “uncontrollable” sobbing.

You won’t find a shred of pity from this writer. I am from the school of thought that it’s fine if you want to make moronic and senseless decisions for yourself; but, putting innocent lives in danger is highly reckless and utterly unacceptable.

Evans suffered from the Tiger Woods syndrome. He thought he was untouchable and would never get caught. His resignation does net him a healthy $137,500 for three months of severance pay in addition to a $100,000 longevity bonus that he already earned.

The most ironic thing is that before every home football game, the University of Georgia would feature a taped video message from Evans saying, “If you drink and drive, you lose.”  Nice foreshadowing, Mr. Cleo.

As for why he had her panties, he explained, “She took them off and I held them because I was just trying to get her home.” Clearly, that explains it.

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